Posts Tagged ‘uci

02
Feb
10

LeMond and Ricco – Lost In Translation

Cycling goes into a semi-lull this time of year.  Races have started, but not many truly pay much attention outside of the finish of the cyclocross season.  Transfers are over, teams have been announced, training camp previews have taken place.  However, the cycling industry does not disappoint in providing juicy tidbits and places to read between the lines.

Trek v. LeMond

The news emerged that Trek and Greg LeMond had settled their differences yesterday without the predicted spectacle of a full-blown trial.  The press release made semi-believable statements including that both seemed to be “pleased” repeatedly.  Trek is “pleased” to give $200,000 to LeMond’s charitable organization and LeMond is “pleased” to resolve the issues and move forward with things he deems important.  While the mission behind LeMond’s organization is very important and should be to all, where I believe this gets lost in translation (despite all of this happening in my part of these United States – the area that doesn’t have any accent) is LeMond perhaps not fully understanding the meaning of the word “pleased.”

For Trek to write a couple checks for $100K is a gift.  Trek’s lawyers better not only get a hefty holiday bonus, but a Valentine’s Day, Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, Halloween, and Thanksgiving bonus.   If Trek would have been given the chance to write this check at the beginning, they would’ve gift-wrapped it and put a big bow on it.  Trek gets a tax-deductible write-off, avoids the trial of what would have been an outright attempt by LeMond to call up anybody and everybody including the person who changed the sheets on Lance’s hospital bed in an attempt to generate circumstantial evidence of his belief of Lance’s doping.  LeMond didn’t show up at Armstrong press conferences or give speeches without desperately wanting to create the far greater worldwide, mainstream media exposure that would have resulted from a trial.   The taste of bile in the back of his throat salivating about this possibility was something he hasn’t tasted since being told that the Badger wasn’t going to play domestique.  Apparently in LeMond-speak “pleased” means either “I’m really tired” or “Lance’s secret forces have placed an explosive charge inside of my brain and Tom Cruise’s Mission Impossible Team isn’t taking my calls, so I better sign this.”

I’m not sure how they did it, but score 1 for Trek.  Maybe now they can push some of those legal dollars back into R&D and catch the Madone up to the Tarmac.

Ricco vs. His Mouth

The following comments may seem judgmental, but when will Riccardo Ricco realize that any time he opens his mouth, something really bad or really dumb comes out?  Guys, myself included, do plenty of things to screw things up on our own.  We don’t need this guy getting us slapped just for being a member of the same sex.   Again, I’ll give a small chance of misinterpretation to something being lost in translation, but here are a couple of his latest jewels (along with my potential interpretation and judgment) in the wake of his baby mama’s CERA positive.

Quote 1 “I know as much as anyone else. I’ve been away from home for 3 months.” Alternate interpretation – “Plausible Deniability.”  Judgmental comment – she stood by him during his implosion, he’s still banned from the sport with a newborn and hasn’t been home, definitely showing once again, it’s all about him.

Quote 2 “When I was positive, I confessed everything. I was honest.” Alternate interpretation – “I lied, cheated and stole, but when they caught me, they said they would reduce my suspension if I squealed like a pig.” Judgmental comment – He was honest from the time it took to strip away the web of lies in his brain and answer the doping authorities’ questions.  After that, the rest, including his so-called “remorse”, is really questionable.

Quote 3 “Cycling isn’t for women, it hurts too much.” Alternate interpretation – I’m a complete ass. Judgmental comment – Maybe that works in the OId Country, but having a “barefoot and pregnant” attitude doesn’t work too well in the modern world.  You’re on your own…and I wouldn’t recommend any US stops.

09
Jan
10

an open letter to rock racing’s michael ball

Mike…can call you Mike?  I heard the UCI finally kicked your Pro Continental license application to the curb.  Harsh.  Sorry to hear that, bro.   Those stiffs at the UCI didn’t even give a reason, just ‘bam, no luck, try again later.’   And here you thought money could buy you love.  However, you’ve got to admit being the halfway house for a group of convicted dopers does wonders for the bad boy image, those licensing folks and race organizers try to keep things a little more squeaky.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to offer unsolicited advice but a couple notes if you try to get the license next time around. First, the damn interweb is everywhere.  So when you go to the Rock Racing site, I’d make the following changes.  First, take the pictures of Tyler “I doped stupid to get caught and end this horrible agonizing fraud” Hamilton down.  Sure, I can understand your “theory” of everybody deserves a second chance.  Tyler got his, chewed it up, spit it out and became a cautionary tale…again. Next, put something on the website that’s actually about the racing and the team.   When the only “information” is the current sale on the closeout stuff you couldn’t get rid of last year and what’s coming soon…little tough to understand the credentials of the team doctors, the philosophies, victories, or even the roster.  Substance over style…who would’ve thought?  But you convinced people to spend $200 on a pair of jeans, so what do I know about marketing?

So now I’m guessing you’ve got a couple roster spots open.  The rumor mill ground up that Landis (semi-surprising) and Simoni (really?) were going to be wearing the skulls n’ wings as long as you got that precious license.  I’ve got the perfect rider for you…me.  I know…I’m relatively (ok, completely) unknown.  But, here’s what I can offer.

  • The coolest tattoos on the team.  Great colors to match with the 37 different kits you’ll want to market throughout the course of one season.  Arms and legs.
  • No prior record or suspicion of doping by WADA, USADA, UCI, AFLD or the PTA.  And I’m not and never have been a doper – you need somebody to provide a quick clean urine or blood sample, I’m willing to sleep in GC contender’s bathtubs in case a surprise USADA official shows up before breakfast.
  • Budget saver – a couple bikes, a few kits, entry fees into races and a few rides in the team bus, and I’m good.  Plus I’m a regular old US citizen.  Since most the races you’ll be doing are gathering appearance fees at local crits and bike shops, you won’t have any pesky hassles with Visas or immigration lawyers.  Bonus points – I can write in complete sentences and put marketing spin on a polished poop.  Save you a PR salary or two.
  • I’ve got one of my degrees in Philosophy.  Always a good PR thing, makes it sound like you’ve got a contemplative, silent leader-type on the road.

What I’m sayin’ is “holla” or “gimme a shout” or whatever it is those crazy kids in LA or NYC are saying these days.  But, seriously…call me.




Buy Ciclirati Really Ltd Edition T-Shirt

53 x 11 Coffee

Hammer Nutrition

Ciclirati Twitter Feed

Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.

Follow me on Twitter

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 3 other followers